i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
