Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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