You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
