Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
