a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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