Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish life had little blips of pornography
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
