DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize