Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
