dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
do nipples grow back?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
