whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
