I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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