The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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