Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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