Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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