'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He shit in the fireplace
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize