so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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