I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
