"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
