did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
