Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
