alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize