she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize