He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
