I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
