you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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