Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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