Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
