She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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