i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
