I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
