2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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