just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just invented taco cereal.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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