Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So here I am, sexting at work.
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