so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
