Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
