yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
