Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
