So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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