i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
high people should be assigned attendants
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
