Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
