that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
