the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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