People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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