I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
