I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
