I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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