I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize