I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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