This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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