and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
