I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
