I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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