you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
