Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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