Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
