Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
