She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize