i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
