Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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