the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
