K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You are a genius and a whore.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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