Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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