she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
