How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
