We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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