I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize