Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
