DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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